eatsleepdraw:

"Inflated Ego" by David Olenick
Facebook  Threadless  Society6  Tumblr  Ohh Deer

eatsleepdraw:

"Inflated Ego" by David Olenick

Facebook  Threadless  Society6  Tumblr  Ohh Deer

Hot dogs

My friend Heather told me yesterday that new emojis are on their way.  How exciting!

While I agree that we need a hot dog, there are some higher priorities on my list:

a bed

a bottle of hand sanitizer

a roofie

a housekeeper

a gatorade

doritos- preferably cool ranch

white wine (why only red? and how about a whole bottle instead of a glass.)

someone having a meltdown at work

a middle finger

a huge pile of laundry & a washer/dryer combo

a burrito (what’s with the flan? does anyone use that?)

a pregnant woman

CHEESE (how is it possible we have no cheese? we have noodle soup, half a sweet potato, a really shitty geometric kabob, and a tempura shrimp…. but no cheese!)

a bride who looks more like a bride and less like an angel

18 more dancing girl variations

Hi. I’m Max.

Hi. I’m Max.

humansofnewyork:

"If you could give one piece of advice to yourself at the age of eighteen, what would it be?""Open up that coffee shop."

humansofnewyork:

"If you could give one piece of advice to yourself at the age of eighteen, what would it be?"
"Open up that coffee shop."

Debated with myself for 0.5 seconds whether Toms at work were acceptable before I remembered/realized I don’t GARA. 

Happy Friday!

Debated with myself for 0.5 seconds whether Toms at work were acceptable before I remembered/realized I don’t GARA.

Happy Friday!

animalstalkinginallcaps:

DANNY, MAN, YOU NEED TO PERK UP. IT’S A PARTY.
AT THE SAME TIME YOU NEED TO CHILL OUT, THOUGH. YOUR MOOD IS ONE OF PALPABLE TENSION AND IT’S MAKING EVERYONE ABOUT 12% LESS LOOSEY-GOOSEY THAN THEY SHOULD BE. WE CAN’T HAVE THAT. EVERYONE WANTS TO BE FULLY L-G.
SO, TO RECAP, YOU NEED TO FORGET ABOUT YOUR BREAKUP AND REMEMBER ABOUT PARTIES. PERKY BUT CHILL. INTO A GOOD TIME BUT OUT OF SHITS TO GIVE.
TAKE ME AS A PRIME EXAMPLE OF THE REQUIRED DICHOTOMY. UP TOP I’M ALL PARTY, HENCE THE HAT. DOWNTOWN WE FIND ME SO CHILLED OUT THAT I REFUSE TO USE MY LEGS AND HAVE KEVIN HERE CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE. THAT’S THE MOOD AND ATTITUDE WE’RE GOING FOR. 
WOULD IT HELP IF I HAD KEVIN GRAB YOU A BURGER? HMMM? THEY’RE DYNAMITE. THEY’VE GOT CHORIZO IN THEM. 

animalstalkinginallcaps:

DANNY, MAN, YOU NEED TO PERK UP. IT’S A PARTY.

AT THE SAME TIME YOU NEED TO CHILL OUT, THOUGH. YOUR MOOD IS ONE OF PALPABLE TENSION AND IT’S MAKING EVERYONE ABOUT 12% LESS LOOSEY-GOOSEY THAN THEY SHOULD BE. WE CAN’T HAVE THAT. EVERYONE WANTS TO BE FULLY L-G.

SO, TO RECAP, YOU NEED TO FORGET ABOUT YOUR BREAKUP AND REMEMBER ABOUT PARTIES. PERKY BUT CHILL. INTO A GOOD TIME BUT OUT OF SHITS TO GIVE.

TAKE ME AS A PRIME EXAMPLE OF THE REQUIRED DICHOTOMY. UP TOP I’M ALL PARTY, HENCE THE HAT. DOWNTOWN WE FIND ME SO CHILLED OUT THAT I REFUSE TO USE MY LEGS AND HAVE KEVIN HERE CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE. THAT’S THE MOOD AND ATTITUDE WE’RE GOING FOR. 

WOULD IT HELP IF I HAD KEVIN GRAB YOU A BURGER? HMMM? THEY’RE DYNAMITE. THEY’VE GOT CHORIZO IN THEM. 

enough.

This day, this week, this month. I’ve had enough. Chris has had enough. Together we’ve just been so miserable at work recently.

It’s hard enough to just be an adult and live life. Why does everything about working with other humans in a professional environment have to be so miserable?

thelemonjar:

A note

Important.

thelemonjar:

A note

Important.

TGIF + day off work + visiting my sister + DC + Fitches + overdoing it + pride + Chris is back from Italy + SUN + air mattress slumber party + all the shenanigans that are gonna go down.

Who doesn’t love a good photo booth?

Who doesn’t love a good photo booth?